1. Yeah, regardless of if a girls wants to pay or not you have to make a big deal about it as it’s just kind of sleazy?.. not to pay, I guess. Guys are one’s who should be chasing the girls and trying to impress them so if a girl does this I usually think she wants to just be friends, which is not good news. A girl just being your company for the evening should be enough for the first few encounters, then when the “relationship” kicks off the roles balance out a bit. I hate the idea of a sweet girl really liking a real jerk of a guy who sits back and lets her pay for a meal cause he knows he can. Happens alot from what I hear.

  2. Hey, I’d go on a date with you. Girls that pay are cool That’s all I’m saying. It’s like karma rebalancing for all the girls that have enjoyed me paying for drinks, then f.o’ed 10 minutes later…

  3. Great blog. On twitter I said I might feel a bit weird but I would feel alright about it if on future dates I could take care of the bill too.

    When I say I would feel weird, it’s not that I would have a problem with it, it’s just that society has given men and women specific expectations I might feel like I’m doing something wrong by flying in the face of those expectations.

    That being said I’m all for breaking the social norm and getting over my own uncomfortable feelings, so if you want to pay on the first date then have at it.

    I’ll add that the idea of it being a deal breaker if the woman wants to pay seems crazy to me.

  4. I, like you, am quick on the draw- but every time a man has given me back the CC and said “don’t even think about it”, he has earned himself copious amounts of brownie points.
    To be honest, a man who lets me pay- even Dutch style- gives off a bad impression. I know all my feminist sisters are glaring at this as they read it, but it feels really nice to be “taken care of” and spoilt- especially at the start of a relationship (or whatever it may eventuate into).

    It depends on the individual. I am extremely spontaneous and so as the relationship evolves, I find myself cooking for him, surprising him, doing all sorts of random things, so before it gets “comfortable”, its nice that he has made the effort and shown you that he deserves your time and energy. Also, I am used to being “intimidating” (so I have been told) so for me, a man who can confidently make decisions and not let me wear the pants is really attractive. Obviously I am expanding beyond the “who pays” concept. I just feel like I am wearing the pants, or I will be in control, if Im the one paying. Chivalry is not completely dead is it?!

    It is a great topic Kristy!

  5. If there’s chemistry then it probably won’t matter one bit. Good relationships are well balanced, and if the ‘her’ party is paying the first date and it’s a mutual invitation to a second then great.

    It definitely depends on the circumstances of the date and the intention of the gesture. Knowing you I’m sure you’ll be fine. (Make for a Seinfeld ep though huh?)

    Never thought I’d quote Stephen Donaldson but I think the quote “In accepting the Gift you Honor the Giver” applies here. Thanks for inspiring the thoughts.

  6. You abhor going Dutch because of your Burgher heritage.

    Try flipping a coin when it’s time to pay. See if it works out any better than trying to think your way through.

    You could avoid the whole situation by doing a runner. If he runs with you then you’ve got someone special.

    1. I’m not sure how the blood running through my veins influences my decisions…I haven’t been brought up within that culture but I guess you could be right, being half Australian half Sri-Lankan/Spanish/Welsh/Dutch is probably exactly why I hate splitting the bill :p I just want something in my life to be ‘whole’ haha

  7. If a Gentleman asks a Lady to dinner, she is his guest and should be treated accordingly. This includes the opening doors, checking of coats, making sure she gets home safely (I’m talking about getting a cab here guys, no funny business…), AND paying the bill.

    Is this old fashioned? Yes.

    Going dutch spoils any fellas attempt at Chivalry (note the capitalization). Give the guy at least one shot at it. I

    If it doesn’t work out, he’s at least put his best foot forward and she gets to say ‘I had dinner with a very nice man last night’.

    If it does go well you can always buy him a drink at a bar later.

    Having said that;

    A casual date for drinks is strictly a round by round scenario. He pays, then you pay. Simple.

    It depends on the which scenario you feel most comfortable with. (Drinks are always good for the ‘Ooh is that the time?/I’ve got an early start/have to drive” factor)

    If you like a lad enough to have dinner, give him the chance to be a proper gent. If he stuffs it up, at least you both gave it a shot.

  8. How about the idea someone else pays. No, l’m not talking 80s style corporate bloaters, but as an occasional food reviewer l get to invite friends new and old to the table and my editors pick up the tab. Nice work if you can get it, l guess, and it takes all the angst out of the bill moment. If you ever want to test the concept when you’re in Melbourne, Kristy, give me a holler! As for opening doors, l like doing that too, but revolving doors are problematic … it’s the separation anxiety perhaps, being trapped in a loveless turn while your date ends up in the adjacent glass segment, haha.

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